i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
