We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
