I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
