Umm I'm too high to move.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
