I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Randomize
