she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
