Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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