Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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