Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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