Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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