Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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