before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
