Can i not drive my cunt home
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize