They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
