are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
