just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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