What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
