She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize