i need an iv and a liver transplant
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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