just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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