My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
