I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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