someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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