i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
