i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
