When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
