what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
