I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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