I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
