Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
