need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize