Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
