When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
