You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize