Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
