Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize