why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
