3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
