i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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