a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
one might say we're banned from that church
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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