I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
