Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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