i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
