Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
