i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
