WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
