You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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