You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
