i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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