So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
