dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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