yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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