The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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