dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
