oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
