Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh god it's open bar.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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