Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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