I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize