Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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