we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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