Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
