I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
