So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
