I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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