hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
