I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You may now shotgun with the bride
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
