You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
did you just send me my own nude
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
