I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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