I need help removing her.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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