why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
