i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
