My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize