My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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