I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This house was built for laser tag.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
how drunk are you?
Several
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
