Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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